Baha’i Perspectives

shadi July 21st, 2009

No one told me that more often than not, the first three or four months of a typical pregnancy is really not that fun. You’re nauseous, you find most foods repulsive, you can smell cigarette smoke from a mile away, you want to sleep 20 out of 24 hours, and barely anything is happening (or so you think) physically! Is there really a baby in there? You think to yourself: I hope all of this is going somewhere.

Then you hit the second trimester, and pregnancy is finally beautiful or at least WAYYYYYY better than your first trimester. You’re finally showing a nice little belly that you worked hard to build. Now you’re getting excited and starting to feel your baby move. And if you want, you get to find out the gender and begin brainstorming about potential names.

And then the final trimester hits, and here I am. I stare at my belly moving up and down in various spots thanks to baby’s now powerful punches and kicks (and kisses?) and it REALLY hits me that in less than three months, my husband and I and the rest of our family are going to meet this new small human being that we are responsible for nurturing twenty four hours a day for a long, long, long time.

And I find myself not so much anxious about the whole feeding, diaper changing, sleepless nights thing (although I have been assured by recent moms and pops that we are in for a ride) but more the great responsibility of raising our daughter with spiritual values. Honestly, that scares me more than labor.

What if I don’t do it right? What if in my valiant efforts to do it right, I over do it?

Thank God (literally) for the Writings. I want to share three well laid out steps I found in a thin but rich book called A Baha’i Parenting Programme. The section is very conveniently called “How to attract children to spiritual ideals” (it’s like they wrote it for me!) and it says:

(a) By example:

Take heed, O people, lest ye be of them that give good counsel to others but forget to follow it themselves.
-Baha’u’llah, Gleanings, p277.

(b) By telling them of the lives and teachings of the Prophets, and by precepts, stories and parables:

With the ‘Dawnbreakers’ in your possession you could also arrange interesting stories about the early days of the movement which the children would like to hear. There are also stories about the life of Christ, Muhammad and the other Prophets…
-Letter written on behalf of Shoghi Effendi, Baha’i Education, p66

(c) By encouragement:

Whensoever a mother seeth that her child hath done, well, let her praise and applaud him and cheer his heart; and if the slightest undesirable trait should manifest itself, let her counsel the child…
-‘Abdu’l-Baha, Baha’i Education, p53.

And now, I want to reach out to the wider Baha’i Perspectives community and ask for your thoughts and advice on this topic.

Are there any inspirational writings or guidance that you can offer regarding raising children with spiritual values, including from other faiths or traditions?

Are there any personal stories you would like to offer in your journey to help promote spiritual values in your family?

Please share your thoughts with us.

Tags: parents, pregnancy

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nava May 29th, 2009

This morning a close friend of mine forwarded me an article from BBC News about a little child raised by dogs. The caption piqued my curiousity and before I read the article my mind flooded with romantic images of a little Jane-esque[of Tarzan and] child who was tragically abandoned by am empoverished mother but, against all odds, managed to survive. My version of the story was still sad, of course. After all, all children should have the opportunity to grow up among human beings who love them and care for them. But there was something exciting about the raw instinctual aspect of it. A lesson on human resilience.

Then I read the article. Even the fainstest glimmering of a Disney Channel plot line was completely annihilated.  

A little girl in Russia raised by dogs…while her mother was there. The article is sparse in detail, but there is explicit reference to the fact that the girl was forced to live among the dogs inside the house, never to go outside. She, naturally, began to emulate the dogs’ behavior. She spoke no Russian, but instead mimicked the noises of the animals who were her [possibly sole] educators and jumped with fright anytime anyone approached the door, just as the dogs would do.

I cannot even begin to put into words the feelings of anger and almost rage that surged within me when I thought of the despicable actions of this “mother” who forced this kind of existence upon her own child. I immediately thought of one of  The Hidden Words of Baha’u'llah wherein He affirms that:

Out of the wastes of nothingness, with the clay of My command I made thee to appear, and have ordained for thy training every atom in existence and the essence of all created things. Thus, ere thou didst issue from thy mother’s womb, I destined for thee two founts of gleaming milk, eyes to watch over thee, and hearts to love thee…

God gave us parents, designed us in such a way, that at the very moment of our birth into this world we would be enveloped in love. Nurtured with love. Trained by love. Our parents have a responsibility not  just to provide for us materially, but to educate us and train us in such a way that we may develop a relationship with God.  Baha’u'llah says that the primary purpose of marriage is to bring forth children who will make mention of Him. We are here to know God and to love God. We are here to advance civilization. 

And yet there exist human beings in this world who cannot even be bothered to speak to their children? Much less to give them a chance to develop an intimate relationship with their Creator. How unimaginably horrible. The sheer cruelty of it. The level of disconnect that this woman must have from her own humanity…one can only wonder what her own upbringing was like. 

We know that if left to their own devices, without proper training and education, human beings can be given to cruelty more savage than that of the fiercest animal predator. ‘Abdu’l-Baha says “[w]ere there no educator, all souls would remain savage, and were it not for the teacher, the children would be ignorant creatures.” 

On the overall importance of education, He goes onto say the following:

It is for this reason that, in this New Cycle, education and training are recorded in the Book of God as obligatory and not voluntary. That is, it is enjoined upon the father and mother, as a duty, to strive with all effort to train the daughter and the son, to nurse them from the breast of knowledge and to rear them in the bosom of sciences and arts. Should they neglect this matter, they shall be held responsible and worthy of reproach in the presence of the stern Lord.

This is a sin unpardonable, for they have made that poor babe a wanderer in the Sahara of ignorance, unfortunate and tormented; to remain during a lifetime a captive of ignorance and pride, negligent and without discernment. Verily, if that babe depart from this world at the age of infancy, it is sweeter and better. In this sense, death is better than life; deprivation than salvation; non-existence lovelier than existence; the grave better than the palace; and the narrow, dingy tomb better than the spacious, regal home…

Therefore, the beloved of God and the maid-servants of the Merciful must train their children with life and heart and teach them in the school of virtue and perfection. They must not be lax in this matter; they must not be inefficient. Truly, if a babe did not live at all it were better than to let it grow ignorant, for that innocent babe, in later life, would become afflicted with innumerable defects, responsible to and questioned by God, reproached and rejected by the people. What a sin this would be and what an omission!

Tags: childhood, education, motherhood, parents

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shadi May 11th, 2008

It is now eight whole months that I have left the United States for Kenya and have not seen my parents — the longest separation we have experienced from one another thus far. As an only child, I tend to think this must be harder for our family in particular. Perhaps if I had a sister or brother, my parents would not miss me quite so much, and maybe I would not have received the incredible amount of attention that I did growing up, and would find the separation not as painful… perhaps.

This time apart has caused much reflection on my part. Growing up in the States, there were many times that my parents and I did not see eye to eye. I, for instance, did not understand why the hour one came home on the weekends should matter or why one had to do certain household chores everyday. And being a strong-willed and opinionated teenager in my day, I made sure to voice my opposition and disappointment to my parents’ decrees quite often.

Going even further back into the past, I think about my parents’ decision to escape Iran in 1985 and how the main factor, as I was to learn in my adult years, was my father’s fear that I would be deprived of the educational opportunities given the restrictions placed on Baha’i children in Iran that exist to this day. My parents left their jobs, home, family, and every sense of familiarity and stability to leave Iran and seek a better environment to raise their daughter.

Abdu’l-Bahá, in His Tablets, not only calls attention to the responsibility of parents to educate all their children, but He also clearly specifies that the “training and culture of daughters is more necessary than that of sons”, for girls will one day be mothers, and mothers are the first educators of the new generation. If it is not possible, therefore, for a family to educate all the children, preference is to be accorded to daughters since, through educated mothers, the benefits of knowledge can be most effectively and rapidly diffused throughout society.

A decade has passed since my teenage years, and all I feel towards my parents is pure love and gratitude. Often I wonder whether I’ll be able to sufficiently thank them for all the sacrifice that they went through raising and nurturing me to become independent, confident, and instilling in me a great sense of self worth as a woman in the 21st century.

Also a father and mother endure the greatest troubles and hardships for their children… Therefore, the children, in return for this care and trouble, must show forth charity and beneficence…

(Abdu’l-Baha, Baha’i World Faith, p. 329)

What a beautiful concept. To show forth ‘charity and beneficence’ in return for the service my parents have showered on me. The station of parents in the Baha’i Faith is incredibly lofty.

The fruits that best befit the tree of human life are trustworthiness and godliness, truthfulness and sincerity; but greater than all, after recognition of the unity of God, praised and glorified be He, is regard for the rights that are due to one’s parents. This teaching hath been mentioned in all the Books of God, and reaffirmed by the Most Exalted Pen. Consider that which the Merciful Lord hath revealed in the Qur’án, exalted are His words: “Worship ye God, join with Him no peer or likeness; and show forth kindliness and charity towards your parents…” Observe how loving-kindness to one’s parents hath been linked to recognition of the one true God!”

(Baha’u'llah, The Kitab-i-Aqdas, p. 139)

And so, as I continue my work in Kenya, I strive daily to honor my parents through good work, compassion to others, and continuous self-reflection. I know that any fruits born from my efforts are a direct result and sign of the loving sacrifice and wisdom of my parents who, to this day, continue to guide and nurture me.

Tags: parents

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