Baha’i Perspectives

leila September 12th, 2008

When I was in college, I spent an autumn term doing an internship in Washington, D.C. Away from my native California, with its parking-lot highways and taquerias, I felt at once at home, yet in a different world. The dynamism of life — the daily scramble for the metro every morning; the wonder at which I witnessed the swift transition from suffocating humidity to icy snow in mere months; the philosophical discussions I had at nights with fellow interns — made me never want to leave.

One discussion in particular surfaces in my mind every so often.

There we were, the three of us — myself, and two other female interns. One, an American-born Indian, who lamented the dearth of eligible Jain young men, as cultural norms insisted she marry someone of her own faith. She was serious, intellectual, and self-conscious all at the same time. The other, an Albanian who turned heads, was a self-proclaimed party girl who drank like a fish until the wee hours, but somehow managed to arrive at work fresh-faced and perfumed every morning.

We sat there in the cafeteria, eating cold turkey-and-mustard sandwiches and feeling very grown-up in our black blazers and heels. And suddenly, we stumbled upon a topic that, at the juncture of our academic and professional lives, seemed at once distant and imminent: motherhood, and career.

The details of the conversation aren’t important, though truthfully I can’t remember them, but it seemed that we went about it circles and lamented mostly. But once that seed was planted, I found myself unconsciously trying to pick up clues as to how to solve one of the pre-eminent questions of the modern age. I wanted to work, to be sure. But I also knew I wanted three children (though the biological clock hadn’t begun ticking), and if I wanted to stay at home with them until they went off to school at age five, and if I waited until the third was five, and I waited a year between each child, well… the math was dizzying, but I knew it would be a lot of years.

“Oh well,” I thought. “I’ll cross that bridge when I get there.”

***

Fast-forward three years. I’m sitting ensconced on a sturdy blue couch, a pita-feta-tomato sandwich in one hand, pencil in the other, scribbling my thoughts in my weathered workbook, titled “Releasing the Powers of Junior Youth.” The course is one in a series developed by the Ruhi Institute in Colombia and directed at raising the capacity of its participants to conduct community development work inspired by the teachings of the Bahá’í Faith.

The book with which my study circle and I were deeply engrossed that evening was training us to facilitate junior youth groups, for individuals ages eleven to fifteen, also known as the Junior Youth Empowerment Program. Though the material addresses the spiritual and intellectual potential of junior youth, and the societal forces that engulf adolescents today, I noticed with wonderment that it seemed to speak directly to my young adult self, with all its confusion surrounding the seemingly Big Life Decisions thrust before me.

Take the section on dichotomies, and our tendency as humans to compartmentalize the world:

Reality — physical, social, or spiritual — is too vast to be understood in its entirety. It is not unreasonable, then, to break it up in order to understand it in parts. However, whenever this is done without taking into account the wholeness of reality, difficulties arise. Conflicts among people of different races, colors, nationalities, and religions are examples of some of the many problems that can emerge from a fragmented conception of existence. For, the oneness of humanity is real, and its division along racial, ethnic, and national lines a product of the human mind and the result of historical circumstances.

So, conflict, prejudice, and barriers are an aspect of this compartmentalization on a global scale. This is nothing too new, of course; some have been hinting at the idea of race as an artificial social construct, for example, for a little while.

But what if I suggested that, as much as the seemingly pronounced differences among individuals and groups are dichotomies created by humans, so too is the way that many, especially in the industrialized world, look at our overly-committed lives?

If we are not careful and adopt such a fragmented approach to our lives, we can create all kinds of dichotomies that are largely imaginary. Work, leisure, family life, spiritual life, physical health, intellectual pursuits, individual development, collective progress, and so on become pieces that together make up our existence. When we accept such divisions as real, we feel pulled in many directions, trying to respond to what we consider to be the demands of these different facets of life. We are bewildered by apparently conflicting aims…

***
What implications does this have for motherhood and career?  Some humble thoughts to come, in Part II.

Tags: career, motherhood, Ruhi books

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leila September 25th, 2008

In my last post, I introduced a dilemma that had swum through my mind, periodically, for the last few years: motherhood and career, and how to do both meaningfully.

I brought up the concept of a fragmented mindset, and found the following quotation, selected from the fifth book of the Ruhi Institute series, to be enlightening:

If we are not careful and adopt such a fragmented approach to our lives, we can create all kinds of dichotomies that are largely imaginary. Work, leisure, family life, spiritual life, physical health, intellectual pursuits, individual development, collective progress, and so on become pieces that together make up our existence. When we accept such divisions as real, we feel pulled in many directions, trying to respond to what we consider to be the demands of these different facets of life. We are bewildered by apparently conflicting aims…

It seems, in twenty-first century Western society, that balancing motherhood (rather than parenthood, but that’s another discussion) and career seems to have this awful, groaning, weighty, “How in the world do we solve this awful problem” label attached to it.  I did a simple Google search, and the images I saw more or less fell into two categories: The angelic pregnant woman cradling her blossoming belly, one the one hand; on the other were frantic messages about “surrendering to motherhood” and the like.  But the more I think about living life in an integrated fashion, the less I look at it as achieving a balance, and more as a means by which I might embrace my (future) children and my career as part of one whole.

I admit, it’s difficult for me to assess this charged issue from the perspective of an unmarried young woman whose career has barely sprouted. What I have realized, however, is that an integrated framework of thinking, while far more difficult, is what we as humans must strive for. And as I look at who I want to be, I begin to question why motherhood and career seem to be so mutually exclusive. I question society’s definition of success — wealth, power, prestige — and have started to redefine what success means for me.

As a product of the college-race generation, ever seeking the brand-name university and the impressive degree, it’s difficult for me to un-do years of such socialization. But I wonder if there might be a balance between, on the hand, society’s perception of the mother — an indefatigable chocolate-chip cookie machine who lives to shuttle her children from soccer practice to violin lessons (an exaggeration, but it exists) — and, on the other, the stereotypical absent working mother, who arrives home just in time to tuck her children into bed. Perhaps if we really began to look at parenthood as raising up inherently noble individuals committed to earnestly working toward the betterment of society, and vigilant of their own spiritual growth, these decisions might become a bit less stressful. A future-orientated vision, mindful of creating a just society, might make us — men and women alike — consider parenthood to be less a sacrifice, and more a privilege.

Abdu’l-Baha states:

The purport is this, that to train the character of humankind is one of the weightiest commandments of God, and the influence of such training is the same as that which the sun exerteth over tree and fruit. Children must be most carefully watched over, protected and trained; in such consisteth true parenthood and parental mercy.

***

To be frank, I still don’t have the motherhood-and-career thing fully figured out, and I haven’t even begun to address the imbalanced way with which most societies view women in the context of parenthood.  I have, however, been inspired by the women I’ve known who have done it, with creativity and ingenuity. To be sure, they sacrificed some of those impressive titles, positions, and opportunities.  But it seems that with every sacrifice they made while raising children, greater rewards emerged in their career.

There’s no fixed formula or recipe for being a parent with a career. All I can discern is that sacrifice, a little creativity, and a healthy sense of purpose and perspective are the best we can do to raise up a generation of spiritually-minded children, in a world where a framework for parenthood is still in its infancy.

Tags: career, motherhood, Ruhi books

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nadim September 29th, 2008

Few people can fail to recall the horrific events that took place in Rwanda in 1994. In three short months, an estimated 800,000 people were killed in a brutal ethnic conflict, while the majority of the world turned and looked the other way. Since then, the sense of shame that has pervaded the international community with respect to this catastrophe has been immense, to the point where it now serves as a case study highlighting the moral imperative of intervention when events in a country spiral out of control.

In the aftermath of the genocide, a new constitution was adopted, one that ensured that at least 30% of the members of parliament would be female. Billions of dollars from donors and investors have been flowing into the country. There has been steady economic growth driven by a growth in rural agriculture and skills development, as well as improvements in clean water access and primary health care. And, while serious problems remain — such as the growing divide between rich and poor — it is surely heartening to see such significant improvements in such a short span of time.

And now a little piece of history has been made – a news story which very nearly slipped under the radar (hardly surprising with all the coverage of collapsing banks and looming elections). Just over a week ago, Rwanda became the first country ever to have a majority of women in parliament, with at least 55% of MP positions going to women.

Why might this be regarded as historic? Well, let’s start with the words of Bellancilla Nyonawankusi, a Rwandan election official, as quoted on News24:

All Rwandans have a role to play in the reconciliation, but women can do it better than men… They are the ones who were the first to be affected by the genocide and they are the ones who are bringing up the children.

This critical connection between war, motherhood and the raising of children was emphasized in a moving passage from Abdu’l-Baha, while He travelled the Western world expounding the teachings of the Baha’i Faith. It was part of a talk delivered to a Women’s Suffrage gathering in New York, in 1912:

The most momentous question of this day is international peace and arbitration, and universal peace is impossible without universal suffrage. Children are educated by the women. The mother bears the troubles and anxieties of rearing the child, undergoes the ordeal of its birth and training. Therefore, it is most difficult for mothers to send to the battlefield those upon whom they have lavished such love and care. Consider a son reared and trained twenty years by a devoted mother. What sleepless nights and restless, anxious days she has spent! Having brought him through dangers and difficulties to the age of maturity, how agonizing then to sacrifice him upon the battlefield! Therefore, the mothers will not sanction war nor be satisfied with it. So it will come to pass that when women participate fully and equally in the affairs of the world, when they enter confidently and capably the great arena of laws and politics, war will cease; for woman will be the obstacle and hindrance to it. This is true and without doubt.

(Abdu’l-Baha, The Promulgation of Universal Peace, p. 134)

It is clear that the world is still playing catch-up to these words, and women everywhere continue to struggle for an equal voice in the decision-making arena.  But how poignant it is that a small, mountainous country in East Africa — which has endured so much recent agony — should suddenly, and quite unexpectedly, be showing us the way.

Tags: motherhood, politics, Rwanda, war, women

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nava May 29th, 2009

This morning a close friend of mine forwarded me an article from BBC News about a little child raised by dogs. The caption piqued my curiousity and before I read the article my mind flooded with romantic images of a little Jane-esque[of Tarzan and] child who was tragically abandoned by am empoverished mother but, against all odds, managed to survive. My version of the story was still sad, of course. After all, all children should have the opportunity to grow up among human beings who love them and care for them. But there was something exciting about the raw instinctual aspect of it. A lesson on human resilience.

Then I read the article. Even the fainstest glimmering of a Disney Channel plot line was completely annihilated.  

A little girl in Russia raised by dogs…while her mother was there. The article is sparse in detail, but there is explicit reference to the fact that the girl was forced to live among the dogs inside the house, never to go outside. She, naturally, began to emulate the dogs’ behavior. She spoke no Russian, but instead mimicked the noises of the animals who were her [possibly sole] educators and jumped with fright anytime anyone approached the door, just as the dogs would do.

I cannot even begin to put into words the feelings of anger and almost rage that surged within me when I thought of the despicable actions of this “mother” who forced this kind of existence upon her own child. I immediately thought of one of  The Hidden Words of Baha’u'llah wherein He affirms that:

Out of the wastes of nothingness, with the clay of My command I made thee to appear, and have ordained for thy training every atom in existence and the essence of all created things. Thus, ere thou didst issue from thy mother’s womb, I destined for thee two founts of gleaming milk, eyes to watch over thee, and hearts to love thee…

God gave us parents, designed us in such a way, that at the very moment of our birth into this world we would be enveloped in love. Nurtured with love. Trained by love. Our parents have a responsibility not  just to provide for us materially, but to educate us and train us in such a way that we may develop a relationship with God.  Baha’u'llah says that the primary purpose of marriage is to bring forth children who will make mention of Him. We are here to know God and to love God. We are here to advance civilization. 

And yet there exist human beings in this world who cannot even be bothered to speak to their children? Much less to give them a chance to develop an intimate relationship with their Creator. How unimaginably horrible. The sheer cruelty of it. The level of disconnect that this woman must have from her own humanity…one can only wonder what her own upbringing was like. 

We know that if left to their own devices, without proper training and education, human beings can be given to cruelty more savage than that of the fiercest animal predator. ‘Abdu’l-Baha says “[w]ere there no educator, all souls would remain savage, and were it not for the teacher, the children would be ignorant creatures.” 

On the overall importance of education, He goes onto say the following:

It is for this reason that, in this New Cycle, education and training are recorded in the Book of God as obligatory and not voluntary. That is, it is enjoined upon the father and mother, as a duty, to strive with all effort to train the daughter and the son, to nurse them from the breast of knowledge and to rear them in the bosom of sciences and arts. Should they neglect this matter, they shall be held responsible and worthy of reproach in the presence of the stern Lord.

This is a sin unpardonable, for they have made that poor babe a wanderer in the Sahara of ignorance, unfortunate and tormented; to remain during a lifetime a captive of ignorance and pride, negligent and without discernment. Verily, if that babe depart from this world at the age of infancy, it is sweeter and better. In this sense, death is better than life; deprivation than salvation; non-existence lovelier than existence; the grave better than the palace; and the narrow, dingy tomb better than the spacious, regal home…

Therefore, the beloved of God and the maid-servants of the Merciful must train their children with life and heart and teach them in the school of virtue and perfection. They must not be lax in this matter; they must not be inefficient. Truly, if a babe did not live at all it were better than to let it grow ignorant, for that innocent babe, in later life, would become afflicted with innumerable defects, responsible to and questioned by God, reproached and rejected by the people. What a sin this would be and what an omission!

Tags: childhood, education, motherhood, parents

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