A word by any other name… :: Baha'i Perspectives

A word by any other name…

nooshin May 13th, 2009

My Swedish friend Ellen and I have been having an ongoing discussion about the power of words. It started at dinner two weeks ago, when I was talking about how my office never uses the word “victim”. It’s such a strong word, able to rob someone of their dignity and resiliance. Think I’m exaggerating? H words ow would you feel, as an HIV-positive person, to read the phrase “victims of HIV/AIDS” in the newspaper? Never mind the fact that it makes the virus and the disease interchangeable, but it gives the power to the virus, and not to you, as if you are already dead.

As you can see, I feel strongly about this. Ellen, who majored in gender studies, feels equally strongly about gender-bias in language. When we implicitly make women an especially vulnerable group by always grouping them with children, for instance. And it’s not just in words. Linguist Deborah Tannen, in an NPR podcast, says that there is even power in making someone laugh. And that there are gender imbalances in our relationships because of that power.

But what about our daily interactions? Do we realize the power of that off-the-cuff comment to embarrass or belittle or hurt? Every conversation has the potential to be an emotional minefield. Dr. Michele Toomey, on her “Liberation Psychology” web site, says words have as much effect as physical actions:

Words can inform our mind, caress and comfort our feelings, excite and thrill our spirit, or warm and kindle the flame of our hearts. They can also slap our face, punch us in the stomach, rattle our nerves, kill our desire, or destroy our self-confidence. Of course this is metaphorical, but these metaphors capture in words our physical reactions to what is said, and that is the power of language. It can emotionally move and affect us as powerfully as physical actions.

The Baha’i Writings speak about the power of words, exhorting us to “beware lest [we] deal unkindly” with each other:

A kindly tongue is the lodestone of the hearts of men. It is the bread of the spirit, it clotheth the words with meaning, it is the fountain of the light of wisdom and understanding….

For me, that confirms that when my intentions are good, my sincerity will colour my words and actions, softening my clumsy interaction. And even if there is contention and disagreement, there can be no excuse to hurt or upset someone:

If any differences arise amongst you, behold Me standing before your face, and overlook the faults of one another for My name’s sake and as a token of your love for My manifest and resplendent Cause. We love to see you at all times consorting in amity and concord within the paradise of My good-pleasure, and to inhale from your acts the fragrance of friendliness and unity, of loving-kindness and fellowship.