The Eye that Covers Faults
shadi May 9th, 2009
Sometimes people are mean to me. Although there are times the meanness is warranted, more often than not, it feels completely random. The random meanness is what really gets to me. It can get my blood pressure pumping within a matter of minutes. It’s difficult for me to understand when someone is in a bad mood — a mood I did not help to create — and then proceeds to take that mood out on me.
Sometimes the interaction is in passing, I brood, never see the person again, and get over it. But sometimes, it becomes a repeated event with someone I have to interact with from time to time whether through my colleagues, acquaintances, friends, and family. It gets more difficult with each meeting to ignore the negative interactions and prevent giving my heart rate a workout. What to do?
For a long time, I simply got mean back! Not a good reaction, I know, but that’s unfortunately what came naturally. I would fight fire with fire, an eye for an eye type mentality. Why should I let this person take their mood out on me and get away with it? No, I’m going to dish it right back and see how they like it, it’s only fair! And yes, it also made me feel good, although for about ten to fifteen minutes… followed by a forgiveness prayer before bed.
A few years ago, I attended a monthly “socially conscious dinner party” hosted by my Baha’i brother, Bart, who invites people of diverse ethnic and religious backgrounds to his home for dinner and discussion. The topic he had chosen for that particular month was forgiveness. Bart typically does some research on his topic prior to the dinner party and puts together a page of quotes from various schools of thought on the chosen topic.
I still have the copy Bart put together for forgiveness. Although I won’t share all of the quotes in this blog, I do want to share two I still read on a weekly basis in my continued effort to change my behavior. The first quote reminds me of the great importance of compassion:
If we could read the secret history of our enemies, we should find in each person’s life sorrow and suffering enough to disarm all hostility.
The second quote explains how to view each and every person I come into contact with while living in this world:
Love the creatures for the sake of God and not for themselves. You will never become angry or impatient if you love them for the sake of God. Humanity is not perfect. There are imperfections in every human being, and you will always become unhappy if you look toward the people themselves. But if you look toward God, you will love them and be kind to them, for the world of God is the world of perfection and complete mercy. Therefore, do not look at the shortcomings of anybody; see with the sight of forgiveness. The imperfect eye beholds imperfections. The eye that covers faults looks toward the Creator of souls.
~ Bahá’í Sacred Writings, Abdu’l-Bahá, The Promulgation of Universal Peace, p. 92
I want the eye that covers faults. I know I cannot get it over night, or even over a few years. But ultimately, for me, it’s a selfish act. It is significantly less stressful both mentally and physically to forgive instantly rather than get angry, brood, and finally let go. It requires letting go of my ego and letting in the love.
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- Baha'i Concepts , General Interest
- Comments(6)
This is such a blessing!
This one thing has been a real challenge for me. Especially in raising my children! At the risk of going crazy and in spite of criticism, when the kids were teenagers and discovering natural consequences I did not do what many of my peers did- kick them out, suggest military service, punish them endlessly…
I believed that God would keep all safe and I decided to concentrate on the positive.
That decision is leading to peace of mind, increased awareness of spirituality and family harmony. Indeed, we are all improving and adding to our personal accomplishments.
God Bless!
“Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a great battle.”
In the early days of trying to come to terms with the horrific abuse and violence I lived with as a child, I wanted my healing to be grounded in the teachings of the Baha’i Faith. And when I couldn’t find what I was looking for, I wrote letters to the Universal House of Justice.
On the topic of forgiveness, all I could find is “If some one commits an error and wrong toward you, you must instantly forgive him.” (Abdu’l-Baha, The Promulgation of Universal Peace, p. 453)
So imagine my delight when the House of Justice suggested “As a devoted believer you are urged to strive to develop forgiveness in your heart toward your parents who have abused you in so disgraceful a manner, and to attain a level of insight which sees them as captives of their lower nature, whose actions can only lead them deeper into unhappiness and separation from God.”
You can find this quote and many others in my new compilation called: “Abuse and Violence: Reasons and Remedies”. For more information, please visit: http://www.susangammage.com/abuse-and-violence
The key learning from this quote was the word “strive” – which suggested that I may never get there in this lifetime, but as long as I was striving, that was good enough.
I love this.
“It requires letting go of my ego and letting in the love.”
For me, this says much the same as one of Hendrix’s quote:
“When the power of love overcomes the love of power, the world will know peace.” Jimi Hendrix
I think it’s wonderful that you desire “the eye that covers faults.”
I wonder why you say you can’t get it over night, though?
I once expressed to my dad an honest desire to be “добрая; -очень- добрая” (i.e. nice; -very- nice (fem.)). He said this: “then just be it!”
Maybe a formula (i.e. an expression where the classic meets the romantic) I wrote to help one to ‘become’ ‘perfect Love’ will shed some light about how I, personally, like to go about achieving this ‘becoming’… i.e. adding legs to my internal intentions through the actions I take.
http://elleveramore.wordpress.com/formula/
I think, because of the paradox of life, that the selfishness you express (“But ultimately, for me, it’s a selfish act.”) is ok (i.e. enlightened selfishness, for a grander/selfless purpose (i.e. not harboring anger any longer than necessary/at all) = selflessness for the sake of God… in my eyes anyway (i.e. God’s will = Free will… i.e. that God desires for everyone to follow their heart and be happy).)
I disagree a little with the idea that the point is to “strive”. I think the striving is simply our journey, but that the -point- is to “become”. And when we become, I imagine an even more exciting journey awaits us: a heaven that is permanently portable – possessed within our hearts and perceived through our eyes and created through our actions. A heaven on earth.
Such is the eye that covers faults, I imagine.
I enjoyed your post on “being vs doing” Arina (and you thought it was about love!) This is certainly at the forefront of my thinking these days and it was great to see how you’ve woven the virtues into these concepts. I always thought “doing” was a combination of “knowledge, will and action” so it was interesting to see the other variables, particularly the reality based ones!
Have you seen the quote on intention? It’s included in my compilation “Abuse and Violence: Reasons and Remedies” (for more information, please visit: http://www.susangammage.com/abuse-and-violence).
Here it is:
“Again He was asked, ‘If one feels grieved at one’s failure to help others enough, while one has the desire and intention to help them more, what should one do? ‘Abdu’l-Bahá said in part: “In this case, the fact that one had the will and the intention to help them is enough, for ‘God judgeth the deeds of men according to the intention behind them’. An authentic tradition has come down from the Prophet Muhammad which states: “A man’s intent is better than his deed.” That is, when a man, in his heart, desires to perform a righteous act, that intention cannot be anything but unalloyed, although selfish reasons may intrude in doing the deed. A man may perform a good deed in his own personal interest, and such a deed is not untinged by insincerity and deceit – but his intention, by itself, cannot be anything but good.
Again, a man may have the desire to perform a righteous act, but not have the means to carry it out. He may wish, for example, to help the poor and succor the orphan. Such an intention will have its effect in the world of existence, and will be accepted in the Kingdom of God. And if he is enabled to carry out his intention, that will be “light upon light” [i.e. Doubly blessed].”
(M. Gail, Summon Up Remembrance, p. 233).
So perhaps intention has a place in your formula.
I used to think that striving wasn’t “good enough”, until I found this quote:
“We humans are never going to become perfect, for perfection belongs to a realm we are not destined to enter. However, we must constantly mount higher, seek to be more perfect . . . perfection will never be reached, but great, and ever greater, progress can be made.”
(Shoghi Effendi, Unfolding Destiny, p. 453.)
The best article I’ve ever read on selflessness was written by Rachel Naomi Ramen and has been reprinted on my blog: http://www.susangammage.com/life-coaching/in-the-service-of-life
Hope you enjoy it!
! I think everything is about love Susan !
…It is interesting that you phrase it as ‘being vs. doing’. My intention was ‘being ^ doing’…!
Intent’s place in the formula – I think “intent” is the “being”. The “light upon light” is the “doing”.
I think striving is good. But maybe it is indeed not “good enough”. But then, it needs to be asked: good enough for what? I would say, intent on its own (just being) is not “enough” to become “Lords”/masters of our own destiny; to create Heaven on Earth (wasn’t that God’s intention for man?). I think we quite literally need to endeavor (and anticipate or hope) to live the life of our dreams. I hope that this is possible to accomplish on earth, I even like to imagine that reality can -exceed- our expectations or our dreams.
re: “humans are never going to become perfect” – An interesting song that explores the human spirit is this one:
(Human, by The Killers)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N0XCS5fewJ4
I like to think we’re denser.
Thank you also for the post on selflessness. I love the idea of service: “Service is a relationship between equals.”
I also think all service is simultaneously selfless and selfish. This quote sums it up well, I think:
“Do not stand on a high pedestal and take 5 cents in your hand and say, “here, my poor man”, but be grateful that the poor man is there, so by making a gift to him you are able to help yourself. It is not the receiver that is blessed, but it is the giver. Be thankful that you are allowed to exercise your power of benevolence and mercy in the world, and thus become pure and perfect.” Vivekananda
Thank you Susan, for sharing your thoughts and helping to develop mine.
All the best.