Then you hit the second trimester, and pregnancy is finally beautiful or at least WAYYYYYY better than your first trimester. You’re finally showing a nice little belly that you worked hard to build. Now you’re getting excited and starting to feel your baby move. And if you want, you get to find out the gender and begin brainstorming about potential names.

And then the final trimester hits, and here I am. I stare at my belly moving up and down in various spots thanks to baby’s now powerful punches and kicks (and kisses?) and it REALLY hits me that in less than three months, my husband and I and the rest of our family are going to meet this new small human being that we are responsible for nurturing twenty four hours a day for a long, long, long time.

And I find myself not so much anxious about the whole feeding, diaper changing, sleepless nights thing (although I have been assured by recent moms and pops that we are in for a ride) but more the great responsibility of raising our daughter with spiritual values. Honestly, that scares me more than labor.

What if I don’t do it right? What if in my valiant efforts to do it right, I over do it?

Thank God (literally) for the Writings. I want to share three well laid out steps I found in a thin but rich book called A Baha’i Parenting Programme. The section is very conveniently called “How to attract children to spiritual ideals” (it’s like they wrote it for me!) and it says:

(a) By example:

Take heed, O people, lest ye be of them that give good counsel to others but forget to follow it themselves.
-Baha’u’llah, Gleanings, p277.

(b) By telling them of the lives and teachings of the Prophets, and by precepts, stories and parables:

With the ‘Dawnbreakers’ in your possession you could also arrange interesting stories about the early days of the movement which the children would like to hear. There are also stories about the life of Christ, Muhammad and the other Prophets…
-Letter written on behalf of Shoghi Effendi, Baha’i Education, p66

(c) By encouragement:

Whensoever a mother seeth that her child hath done, well, let her praise and applaud him and cheer his heart; and if the slightest undesirable trait should manifest itself, let her counsel the child…
-‘Abdu’l-Baha, Baha’i Education, p53.

And now, I want to reach out to the wider Baha’i Perspectives community and ask for your thoughts and advice on this topic.

Are there any inspirational writings or guidance that you can offer regarding raising children with spiritual values, including from other faiths or traditions?

Are there any personal stories you would like to offer in your journey to help promote spiritual values in your family?

Please share your thoughts with us.

Sometimes the interaction is in passing, I brood, never see the person again, and get over it. But sometimes, it becomes a repeated event with someone I have to interact with from time to time whether through my colleagues, acquaintances, friends, and family. It gets more difficult with each meeting to ignore the negative interactions and prevent giving my heart rate a workout. What to do?

For a long time, I simply got mean back! Not a good reaction, I know, but that’s unfortunately what came naturally. I would fight fire with fire, an eye for an eye type mentality. Why should I let this person take their mood out on me and get away with it? No, I’m going to dish it right back and see how they like it, it’s only fair! And yes, it also made me feel good, although for about ten to fifteen minutes… followed by a forgiveness prayer before bed.

A few years ago, I attended a monthly “socially conscious dinner party” hosted by my Baha’i brother, Bart, who invites people of diverse ethnic and religious backgrounds to his home for dinner and discussion. The topic he had chosen for that particular month was forgiveness. Bart typically does some research on his topic prior to the dinner party and puts together a page of quotes from various schools of thought on the chosen topic.

I still have the copy Bart put together for forgiveness. Although I won’t share all of the quotes in this blog, I do want to share two I still read on a weekly basis in my continued effort to change my behavior. The first quote reminds me of the great importance of compassion:

If we could read the secret history of our enemies, we should find in each person’s life sorrow and suffering enough to disarm all hostility.

~ Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

The second quote explains how to view each and every person I come into contact with while living in this world:

Love the creatures for the sake of God and not for themselves. You will never become angry or impatient if you love them for the sake of God. Humanity is not perfect. There are imperfections in every human being, and you will always become unhappy if you look toward the people themselves. But if you look toward God, you will love them and be kind to them, for the world of God is the world of perfection and complete mercy. Therefore, do not look at the shortcomings of anybody; see with the sight of forgiveness. The imperfect eye beholds imperfections. The eye that covers faults looks toward the Creator of souls.

~ Bahá’í Sacred Writings, Abdu’l-Bahá, The Promulgation of Universal Peace, p. 92

I want the eye that covers faults. I know I cannot get it over night, or even over a few years. But ultimately, for me, it’s a selfish act. It is significantly less stressful both mentally and physically to forgive instantly rather than get angry, brood, and finally let go. It requires letting go of my ego and letting in the love.

I asked him, “What are the things you enjoy doing the most?”

He replied, “Are you serious? You know what things I enjoy doing!”

“Well… sure, I know some of them… maybe even most of them… but maybe there are things that will be new to me.”

My husband, always willing to play along, proceeded to highlight a list of things he enjoys doing, some of which I definitely knew and a few things that were new to me.

Then he proceeded to ask me the same question. I started to list the things I really enjoy doing, and a very strange thing happened. Halfway through my list, I began to tear up and eventually cry a bit. I realized that most of the things on my list were things I WANTED to do, but not things I was actually DOING. Woah, man!

My husband and I proceeded to break down my list and realized that most of the things I enjoy doing are creative in nature (i.e. reading for pleasure, dancing to happy music, listening to inspiring music, and the list goes on and on). Why wasn’t I doing any of it?

Initially I blamed it on a lack of time, but eventually we decided that if you really want to do an activity, you tend to make some time for it. Skip past further novice psychoanalysis, and we realized it all boiled down to guilt. I felt guilty spending an hour curled up with a good book or taking the time to listen to an inspiring song rather than using that same hour to do something more “productive” like responding to work e-mail after hours or doing an extra load of laundry.

The Baha’i writings speak highly of engaging in the arts such as music. In one passage, Shoghi Effendi tells us the following:

It is the music which assists us to affect the human spirit; it is an important means which helps us to communicate with the soul.

(Compilations, The Compilation of Compilations vol II, p. 80)

Abdu’l-Baha tell us the following:

Among certain nations of the East, music was considered reprehensible, but in this new age the Manifest Light hath, in His holy Tablets, specifically proclaimed that music, sung or played, is spiritual food for soul and heart.

(Abdu’l-Baha, Selections from the Writings of Abdu’l-Baha, p. 112)

I started thinking that maybe my soul decided to start that conversation to let me know that it’s starved for some creative food. Although it’s still not second nature, I have allotted myself twenty minutes a day since our road trip to engage in non “productive” activities. I’m starting to think that these twenty minutes might end up being the most productive minutes I have.

To be honest, for the first several years or so, I secretly resented fasting and felt extremely hypocritical for doing it. I felt so incredibly hungry and thirsty (and blasphemous) that I couldn’t fathom how one was suppose to be feeling “spiritual” at the same time. I even had a print out of sunrise and sunset times and followed it staunchly: big last minute gulps of water within 30 seconds of sunrise and a big steaming spoon of food in my hand READY to inhale seconds before sunset. I would often tell myself that once I got married, I would have at least three kids because with combined pregnancy and breastfeeding that would be at least six years of being exempt from fasting! How spiritual is that!

Shoghi Effendi explains the point of the Baha’i Fast in the following excerpt:

…essentially a period of meditation and prayer, of spiritual recuperation, during which the believer must strive to make the necessary readjustments in his inner life, and to refresh and reinvigorate the spiritual forces latent in his soul. Its significance and purpose are, fundamentally spiritual in character. Fasting is symbolic, and a reminder of abstinence from selfish and carnal desires.

(Compilations, Lights of Guidance, p. 232)

I am happy to announce that some progress has been made over the years. Last year I found myself on a work trip in Ethiopia during the fast and strangely blasé about all the tasty injera and incredible coffee. I managed to connect with the Addis Ababa Baha’i community one evening and had an unforgettable dinner filled with prayers and celebration.

It would make sense at this point to go on and describe that one magical event that completely revolutionized fasting for me, but the truth is, the internal progress happened and continues to do so as the years go by and, I deepen my understanding for prayer and fasting through the sacred Baha’i writings.

Before I finish off this blog, I wish to share a few gems from a wonderful book of compilations called the Importance of Obligatory Prayer and Fasting and wish all my sisters and brothers throughout the world a spiritual, reflective fasting period:

These are the days of the Fast. Blessed is the one who through the heat generated by the Fast increaseth his love, and who, with joy and radiance, ariseth to perform worthy deeds.

Verily, I say, fasting is the supreme remedy and the most great healing for the disease of self and passion.

And We have ordained obligatory prayer and fasting so that all may by these means draw nigh unto God, the Most Powerful, the Well-Beloved.

Even though outwardly the Fast is difficult and toilsome, yet inwardly it is bounty and tranquility.

There are various stages and stations for the Fast and innumerable effects and benefits are concealed therein. Well is it with those who have attained unto them.

A few weeks ago, an agnostic, a Christian, and two Baha’is headed to Kampala, Uganda together to visit the only Bahá’í House of Worship in all of Africa.  Our first visit involved spending time both within the house of worship and exploring the surrounding gardens.  As I walked around the incredibly serene and beautiful grounds overlooking the rest of Kampala, my mind was quiet, my body relaxed, and my heart open.  When I looked at the faces of my fellow travel companions, I saw a similar mood.

I wondered to myself: why can’t this simply be the norm?  To have people of different faiths or no faith come to a common place of peace intended for meditation or prayer or simply to breathe.

In The Promulgation of Universal Peace, Abdu’l-Bahá beautifully summarizes the purpose of the Baha’i houses of worship:

In brief, the original purpose of temples and houses of worship is simply that of unity — places of meeting where various peoples, different races and souls of every capacity may come together in order that love and agreement should be manifest between them.

We attended the morning Sunday devotionals at the House of Worship and heard writings from the Koran, the Bible, and the Baha’i Writings recited and chanted in multiple languages by people of various faiths and backgrounds.  In between the readings, there was an awe-inspiring choir singing songs of peace and unity, their fantastic voices echoing from the high reaching inner dome as cool breezes flowed in and out of the nine gigantic doors displaying a panoramic view of Kampala.  It was one of those magical moments you want to permanently freeze.

With the current state of the world and the seemingly endless growing tensions between people of varying ideologies, it was powerful, if only for a brief moment on a hilltop in Kampala, to actually EXPERIENCE how peace looks and sounds and feels.

The call of the Kingdom has been sounded, and the annunciation of the world’s need for Universal Peace has enlightened the world’s conscience.

(Abdu’l-Baha, Abdu’l-Baha in London, p. 37)

A few days ago I was reading The Covenant of Baha’u'llah (by Adib Taherzadeh) and learned that Baha’u'llah explains “there are three barriers between man and God…The first barrier is attachment to the things of this world, the second is attachment to the rewards of the next world, and the third is attachment to the Kingdom of Names.” (pg.20)

The Kingdom of Names is described as essentially God’s attributes that are revealed in this world to man.

Every created thing manifests the names and attributes of God. In the spiritual world, these attributes are manifest with such intensity that man will never be able to comprehend them in this life. In the human world, however, these attributes appear within the ‘Kingdom of Names’ and man often becomes attached to these names.

Wait a minute! I’m pretty attached to kindness I must admit AND really try my best to be kind AND really want people to see my kindness… is that essentially the wrong way to go about it? And the passage very eloquently went on to reply:

Human society at present exerts a pernicious influence upon the soul of man. Instead of allowing him to live a life of service and sacrifice, it is highly competitive and teaches him to pride himself on his ego and to seek to exalt himself above others, in the ultimate aim of achieving self-importance, success and power… The Revelation of Baha’u'llah aims to reverse the process. The soul of man needs to be adorned with virtues of humility and self-effacement so that it may become detached from the Kingdom of Names.

This new way of looking at my attachment to kindness has definitely spurred some critical self reflection and consequently opened the door to other attributes I realize also need to be thrown into the kindness pot. I found a very encouraging sentence from the Covenant of Baha’u'llah that I keep rereading to myself in order to guide this transition in thinking and acting around attributes:

If a man can realize that his virtues are not intrinsically his own, but rather are manifestations of the attributes of God, then he is freed from the Kingdom of Names and becomes truly humble.

This time apart has caused much reflection on my part. Growing up in the States, there were many times that my parents and I did not see eye to eye. I, for instance, did not understand why the hour one came home on the weekends should matter or why one had to do certain household chores everyday. And being a strong-willed and opinionated teenager in my day, I made sure to voice my opposition and disappointment to my parents’ decrees quite often.

Going even further back into the past, I think about my parents’ decision to escape Iran in 1985 and how the main factor, as I was to learn in my adult years, was my father’s fear that I would be deprived of the educational opportunities given the restrictions placed on Baha’i children in Iran that exist to this day. My parents left their jobs, home, family, and every sense of familiarity and stability to leave Iran and seek a better environment to raise their daughter.

Abdu’l-Bahá, in His Tablets, not only calls attention to the responsibility of parents to educate all their children, but He also clearly specifies that the “training and culture of daughters is more necessary than that of sons”, for girls will one day be mothers, and mothers are the first educators of the new generation. If it is not possible, therefore, for a family to educate all the children, preference is to be accorded to daughters since, through educated mothers, the benefits of knowledge can be most effectively and rapidly diffused throughout society.

A decade has passed since my teenage years, and all I feel towards my parents is pure love and gratitude. Often I wonder whether I’ll be able to sufficiently thank them for all the sacrifice that they went through raising and nurturing me to become independent, confident, and instilling in me a great sense of self worth as a woman in the 21st century.

Also a father and mother endure the greatest troubles and hardships for their children… Therefore, the children, in return for this care and trouble, must show forth charity and beneficence…

(Abdu’l-Baha, Baha’i World Faith, p. 329)

What a beautiful concept. To show forth ‘charity and beneficence’ in return for the service my parents have showered on me. The station of parents in the Baha’i Faith is incredibly lofty.

The fruits that best befit the tree of human life are trustworthiness and godliness, truthfulness and sincerity; but greater than all, after recognition of the unity of God, praised and glorified be He, is regard for the rights that are due to one’s parents. This teaching hath been mentioned in all the Books of God, and reaffirmed by the Most Exalted Pen. Consider that which the Merciful Lord hath revealed in the Qur’án, exalted are His words: “Worship ye God, join with Him no peer or likeness; and show forth kindliness and charity towards your parents…” Observe how loving-kindness to one’s parents hath been linked to recognition of the one true God!”

(Baha’u'llah, The Kitab-i-Aqdas, p. 139)

And so, as I continue my work in Kenya, I strive daily to honor my parents through good work, compassion to others, and continuous self-reflection. I know that any fruits born from my efforts are a direct result and sign of the loving sacrifice and wisdom of my parents who, to this day, continue to guide and nurture me.

A year has passed since her fatal car accident, and I find myself sometimes still brooding, still wondering why someone so young and lovely would exit this plane of existence that suddenly. At these times of sorrow, I turn to the Baha’i writings for guidance. Abdu’l-Baha eloquently describes death with the following analogy:

To consider that after the death of the body the spirit perishes, is like imagining that a bird in a cage will be destroyed if the cage is broken, though the bird has nothing to fear from the destruction of the cage. Our body is like the cage, and the spirit is like the bird. We see that without the cage this bird flies in the world of sleep; therefore if the cage becomes broken, the bird will continue and exist: its feelings will be even more powerful, its perceptions greater, and its happiness increased. In truth, from hell it reaches a paradise of delights, because for the thankful birds there is no paradise greater than freedom from the cage.

I, along with the many people who were touched by Nai, miss her physical presence incredibly. Knowing and believing that Nai is even happier now than she was in this physical world helps turn my brooding into joy. In another beautiful passage by Abdu’l-Baha, He reveals to a mother the thoughts of her child in the next world:

That beloved child addresseth thee from the hidden world: ‘O thou kind Mother, thank divine Providence that I have been freed from a small and gloomy cage and, like the birds of the meadows, have soared to the divine world — a world which is spacious, illumined, and ever gay and jubilant. Therefore, lament not, O Mother, and be not grieved; I am not of the lost, nor have I been obliterated and destroyed. I have shaken off the mortal form and have raised my banner in this spiritual world. Following this separation is everlasting companionship. Thou shalt find me in the heaven of the Lord, immersed in an ocean of light.

Nai lived her 27 earthly years with passion, and left this world remembered and missed by so many of us because of the enthusiasm with which she served others, the sincerity of her speech and deeds, and her consistent humility. Her memory compels me to live the rest of my life in this world with intention and meaning. And so, on this day, as on so many others, I remember her with gratitude.

Unification of the whole of mankind is the hall-mark of the stage which human society is now approaching. Unity of family, of tribe, of city-state, and nation have been successively attempted and fully established. World unity is the goal towards which a harassed humanity is striving. Nation-building has come to an end. The anarchy inherent in state sovereignty is moving towards a climax. A world, growing to maturity, must abandon this fetish, recognize the oneness and wholeness of human relationships, and establish once for all the machinery that can best incarnate this fundamental principle of its life.

(Shoghi Effendi, The World Order of Baha’u'llah, p. 202)

While the process of disintegration is occurring within the current world society, the simultaneous process of the creation of a new world order is also taking place. In Kenya, despite all the horrors experienced in the past 2 months, there are voices from various civil society organizations, prominent individuals, international governments, and religious institutions who are calling for peace and reconciliation among Kenyans.

In the Nairobi Baha’i Center, for example, Brooks and I attended a gathering to pray for peace followed by a group discussion around the recent crisis. Despite all the tribal tensions that are currently in play all across the country, it was absolutely incredible to see Kenyan Baha’is of many different tribes coming together under one roof to talk about the need for unity, love, and understanding. Among the various discussions that took place, the one that struck me the most was a gentleman’s suggestion to go into primary and secondary schools and sensitize the teachers and the students about the importance of unity and the consequences of tribal prejudices. Children are the leaders of tomorrow, and we must ensure that they do not continue to carry on the same harmful tribal stereotypes that are currently afflicting Kenya while also emphasizing the beauty and learning that can be reaped from diversity among peoples. Indeed, in every culture, there are wonderful characteristics and traits intermixed with harmful behaviors. The international governing council of the Baha’i community states:

Let it be understood, too, that Africans are not alone in the struggle to change certain age-old practices. People everywhere have customs which must be abandoned so as to clear the path along which their societies must evolve towards that glorious, new civilization which is to be the fruit of Baha’u'llah’s stupendous Revelation.

In the midst of all this, Brooks and I fervently hope that this current crisis will bear witness to a new Kenyan society rising victoriously out of the shackles of past tribal grievances and extreme disparities to herald in a glorious nation composed of a unified peoples.

It was both incredible and difficult to reconnect with my Kisumu colleagues. Everyone has been affected in some way by the post-election crisis. Everyone had a story to tell. One of my colleagues has a Kikuyu mother and a Luo father. His mother has been camped out at one of the Kisumu police stations because neighbors had threatened her life. My colleague and his father have to visit the police station in order to see her. Another colleague of mine, who is married to a Luo man and comes from the Kamba tribe seen to be closely associated to the Kikuyu tribe, finally decided to move to Nairobi to stay with her sister. She told me that her neighbors had been arguing on a daily basis with one another over whether or not she should be allowed to stay in Kisumu. These stories are everywhere in Kenya right now. It is very easy to become disheartened and conclude that Kenya is rapidly spiraling towards an even greater disaster.

The current mediation talks are a step in the right direction. Although some progress has been announced, decisions regarding the political way forward continue to loom over the talks as each side seeks to gain an advantage over the other. It is uncertain how long the talks will continue and whether or not there will be a satisfactory resolution. One thing is clear: not until people put aside their superficial differences and truly come together in the spirit of brotherhood will a true lasting solution be established.

…the breeding-ground of all these tragedies is prejudice: prejudice of race and nation, of religion, of political opinion; and the root cause of prejudice is blind imitation of the past — imitation in religion, in racial attitudes, in national bias, in politics. So long as this aping of the past persisteth, just so long will the foundations of the social order be blown to the four winds, just so long will humanity be continually exposed to direst peril.

(Abdu’l-Baha, Selections from the Writings of Abdu’l-Baha, p. 247)

Indeed, looking at the world at large, the number of societies that are experiencing crisis and instability seems to be growing by the day. The Baha’i Faith views these crises as growing pains towards the establishment of the New World Order on Earth. Shoghi Effendi notes,

The process of disintegration must inexorably continue, and its corrosive influence must penetrate deeper and deeper into the very core of a crumbling age. Much suffering will still be required ere the contending nations, creeds, classes and races of mankind are fused in the crucible of universal affliction, and are forged by the fires of a fierce ordeal into one organic commonwealth, one vast, unified, and harmoniously functioning system. Adversities unimaginably appalling, undreamed of crises and upheavals, war, famine, and pestilence, might well combine to engrave in the soul of an unheeding generation those truths and principles which it has disdained to recognize and follow. A paralysis more painful than any it has yet experienced must creep over and further afflict the fabric of a broken society ere it can be rebuilt and regenerated.

(Shoghi Effendi, The World Order of Baha’u'llah, p. 193)