Self-awareness is crucial in deciding what needs change.  As spiritual beings, we need to constantly evaluate both our inner and outer lives, and try every day to do better than the day before.  In the Hidden Words, Bahá’u’lláh says:

O SON OF BEING! Bring thyself to account each day ere thou art summoned to a reckoning; for death, unheralded, shall come upon thee and thou shalt be called to give account for thy deeds.

I think the misconception we have is that bringing ourselves to account will necessarily be a depressing exercise, merely deepening our sense of inadequacy and feelings of guilt.  But it doesn’t have to be.  If we see our mistakes, not as failings, but as opportunites for learning and growth, self-evaluation can be empowering.  I think there is a sense of freedom from realizing that yes, I made a mistake, but I have the chance to fix it.  That every morning is a fresh start and that I am not defined by my past.

Also key is the issue of forgiveness.  Sometimes we have to forgive ourselves in order to be able to move on.  But more crucially, we have to show sincere repentance and ask forgiveness from God.  Bahá’u’lláh instructs us as follows:

..when the sinner findeth himself wholly detached and freed from all save God, he should beg forgiveness and pardon from Him. Confession of sins and transgressions before human beings is not permissible, as it hath never been nor will ever be conducive to divine forgiveness. Moreover such confession before people results in one’s humiliation and abasement, and God—exalted be His glory—wisheth not the humiliation of His servants. Verily He is the Compassionate, the Merciful. The sinner should, between himself and God, implore mercy from the Ocean of mercy, beg forgiveness from the Heaven of generosity…

But self-evaluation is not just about identifying mistakes.  We have to give ourselves credit where it’s due, and to build on our strengths.  Having a positive outlook can be so much more powerful than a negative one.  Which is why the following prayer from ‘Abdu’l-Bahá is one of my favourite ones:

O God! Refresh and gladden my spirit. Purify my heart. Illumine my powers. I lay all my affairs in Thy hand. Thou art my Guide and my Refuge. I will no longer be sorrowful and grieved; I will be a happy and joyful being. O God! I will no longer be full of anxiety, nor will I let trouble harass me. I will not dwell on the unpleasant things of life.

O God! Thou art more friend to me than I am to myself. I dedicate myself to Thee, O Lord.

But if you think about it, all  religions have some version of a pilgrimage: a visit to a holy site which is usually linked to its Central Figure/s.  Aside from Baha’i holy sites, I have also visited Muslim, Christian and Jewish ones, and there is no question of the fervour and devotion of the devotees who have come (mostly from far distances) to pay their respects and to pray.

The main Baha’i Pilgrimage takes place in the Holy Land, spans nine days and consists of guided visits to the resting places (or Shrines) of the Central Figures of the Faith, various other sites in the Holy Land associated with them, and the Terraces and gardens on Mount Carmel.

But what is the purpose? For me, pilgrimage is similar to fasting, a time during which you focus your thoughts and energies on your spiritual life, a time to reflect and meditate.  Just the physical act of leaving your home and travelling to the Holy Land helps to divorce you from everyday concerns, the distance helping you to achieve a perspective which will allow you to properly evaluate your inner life. ‘Abdu’l-Bahá has explained that:

Holy places are undoubtedly centres of the outpouring of Divine grace, because on entering the illumined sites associated with martyrs and holy souls, and by observing reverence, both physical and spiritual, one’s heart is moved with great tenderness.

Another aspect of the spiritual experience of pilgrimage is that you are one of a group of Baha’is from around the world.  Your pilgrim group (of a few hundred people per nine-day cycle) will have dozens of races, ethnicities and nationalities.  And for me, there are few things more uplifting than being part of a diverse but unified group of people.  Especially in the Holy Land, the nexus of almost all the world’s religions.  As explained so eloquently in God Passes By:

…the Holy Land—the Land promised by God to Abraham, sanctified by the Revelation of Moses, honored by the lives and labors of the Hebrew patriarchs, judges, kings and prophets, revered as the cradle of Christianity, and as the place where Zoroaster, according to ‘Abdu’l-Bahá’s testimony, had “held converse with some of the Prophets of Israel,” and associated by Islám with the Apostle’s night-journey, through the seven heavens, to the throne of the Almighty. Within the confines of this holy and enviable country, “the nest of all the Prophets of God,” “the Vale of God’s unsearchable Decree, the snow-white Spot, the Land of unfading splendor” …

My personal take is that it is not that there is good aid or bad aid, but that the circumstances in each situation will determine if it is effective aid or not.  Throwing money at a problem will never completely solve it.  If the underlying issues are not addressed, it’s just good money and effort after bad.  And in particular so if aid agencies, humanitarian organizations and governments don’t recognize the power in grassroots communities and in each individual.  We need to harnass the potentialities latent in each member of the human race, empowering them to become a source of social good and development.

And you really don’t need to go further than the story of William Kamkwamba to see what I mean. At 14, the Malawian boy is forced to drop out of school for lack of fees.  Inspired by a book in the village library (donated by a development agency!), William decides to build a windmill in order to provide electricity for his family home.  He is undettered by the fact that he is not very educated, that he has no access to materials and parts for the windmill, or that no-one has ever done it before.  Relying mostly on the illustrations in the book, and scrounging for scrap metal and materials others have thrown away, and ignoring the ridicule aimed at him, William built a crude but effective windmill which powered four light bulbs, a radio and cellphone charger.

Since he built his first windmill, William has gone on to build five more, in and around his village.  He has been given a scholarship to the African Leadership Academy in South Africa.  He has given talks and speeches at international conferences and received worldwide acclaim.  He is working on projects dealing with HIV, malaria, solar power and clean water. And last month, at the age of 22, his autobiography “The Boy Who Harnassed the Wind” was released worldwide.

When  I read his story, and watched him speak, William humbled me, but most importanly, gave me hope.  And reminded me of the emphasis the Baha’i Faith places on the potentialities in each one of us, and of our duty to make the most of them:

Regard man as a mine rich in gems of inestimable value. Education can, alone, cause it to reveal its treasures, and enable mankind to benefit therefrom…

Is any larger bounty conceivable than this, that an individual, looking within himself, should find that by the confirming grace of God he has become the cause of peace and well-being, of happiness and advantage to his fellow men? No, by the one true God, there is no greater bliss, no more complete delight.

O Children of Men! Know ye not why We created you all from the same dust? That no one should exalt himself over the other….

Bahá’u’lláh, The Hidden Words of Bahá’u’lláh, Arabic no. 68

And among the teachings of Bahá’u’lláh is the equality of women and men. The world of humanity has two wings—one is women and the other men. Not until both wings are equally developed can the bird fly. Should one wing remain weak, flight is impossible. Not until the world of women becomes equal to the world of men in the acquisition of virtues and perfections, can success and prosperity be attained as they ought to be.

‘Abdu’l-Bahá, Selections from the Writings of ‘Abdu’l-Bahá, sec. 227

I get lulled into thinking that most people think the same way, and that our systems and governments are, by-in-large, all working under the same premise. Last week I read something that reminded me that, actually, vast numbers of women are still living greatly unequal lives.  I  was reading a paper entitled “Gender vulnerabilities, shocks and social protection responses“, (produced by the Overseas Development Institute), which outlines the various impacts the recent financial and food price crises have had on women.  It was sobering reading:

• It is women who bear the brunt of the food price crisis, not only because they are primarly responsible for the management of food in the household but also because they are often the ones who buffer the impact of the crisis at the household level through decreased consumption.
• Women often become ’shock absorbers of household food security’, reducting their own consumption to allow more food for other household members.
• In Sub-Saharan Africa and South Asia, the agricultural sector makes up more than 60% of all female employment.  But, women in Africa only own 1% of the land and also face biases against access to training, inputs, capital, credit and transportation.
• Rising food prices can hold important implications for the distribution of care responsiblities and time poverty.  Women’s time burdens are put under more pressure as the need for cheaper food may entail travelling further… on top of such chores such as the collection of water and firewood.  Increased demands on women’s time and energy could hold negative impacts for children’s health and schooling.  A reduction in childcare may translate into greater malnutrion and poor health affecting children’s life-long capacity, ability to learn and chances of climbing out of poverty.
• Where women have limited decision-making and bargaining power within the household over income, this often results in less expenditure on health, nutruion and education, and poorer outcomes for family members, including children.
• Women’s education and nutritional knowledge and status within the household contribute more than 50% to the reduction of child malnutrition.

It was the last two points that stood out the most for me, because the Baha’i Writings place such great emphasis on the education of women:

Furthermore, the education of woman is more necessary and important than that of man, for woman is the trainer of the child from its infancy. If she be defective and imperfect herself, the child will necessarily be deficient; therefore, imperfection of woman implies a condition of imperfection in all mankind, for it is the mother who rears, nurtures and guides the growth of the child.

‘Abdu’l-Bahá, A Compilation on Women, page17

The education of women has far reaching consequences, beyond that of the strength and well-being of the family unit. For only once humanity recognizes the necessity of ensuring the equality of men and women will we be able to attain world peace:

The emancipation of women, the achievement of full equality between the sexes, is one of the most important, though less acknowledged prerequisites of peace. … Only as women are welcomed into full partnership in all fields of human endeavour will the moral and psychological climate be created in which international peace can emerge.

The Universal House of Justice, The Pomise of World Peace

I don’t know about you, but I feel let down.  What a waste of an opportunity for leaders of some of the world’s most powerful nations to meet together as peers, and bend their minds and hearts to alleviating the global challenges we all face.  But perhaps, when they sit around the table together at their high-profile gatherings, they are no more successful at holding efficient and effective deliberations than my colleagues and I are in our more humble offices in Johannesburg.  It’s a familiar scenario: a group of like-minded individuals, with a shared vision and goal, who nevertheless mostly talk in circles for hours, repeating arguments and issues without reaching consensus. It’s not a lack of will that hampers us, I think, but rather of us not giving enough importance to the correct process, and spiritual significance, of consultation.

In a 1995  statement released by the Baha’i International Community (entitled The Prosperity of Humankind, and written after a series of global conferences including the Rio Earth Summit), the vital role of correct consultation is outlined:

Central to the task of reconceptualizing the system of human relationships is the process that Bahá’u’lláh refers to as consultation. “In all things it is necessary to consult,” is His advice. “The maturity of the gift of understanding is made manifest through consultation.”

Next, the statement spells out the problems in the way most deliberations and discussions are held today:

The standard of truth seeking this process demands is far beyond the patterns of negotiation and compromise that tend to characterize the present-day discussion of human affairs. It cannot be achieved—indeed, its attainment is severely handicapped—by the culture of protest that is another widely prevailing feature of contemporary society.  Debate, propaganda, the adversarial method, the entire apparatus of partisanship that have long been such familiar features of collective action are all fundamentally harmful to its purpose: that is, arriving at a consensus about the truth of a given situation and the wisest choice of action among the options open at any given moment.

So, what are the prerequisites in this “standard of truth seeking”?

What Bahá’u’lláh is calling for is a consultative process in which the individual participants strive to transcend their respective points of view, in order to function as members of a body with its own interests and goals. In such an atmosphere, characterized by both candor and courtesy, ideas belong not to the individual to whom they occur during the discussion but to the group as a whole, to take up, discard, or revise as seems to best serve the goal pursued. Consultation succeeds to the extent that all participants support the decisions arrived at, regardless of the individual opinions with which they entered the discussion. Under such circumstances an earlier decision can be readily reconsidered if experience exposes any shortcomings.

Once we “transcend” our point of view, and learn to hold discussions in an atmosphere of “candor and courtesy”, and ensure that we remain detached from our ideas, able to evaluate each idea objectively and on its merits, what results can we expect?

Viewed in such a light, consultation is the operating expression of justice in human affairs. So vital is it to the success of collective endeavor that it must constitute a basic feature of a viable strategy of social and economic development. Indeed, the participation of the people on whose commitment and efforts the success of such a strategy depends becomes effective only as consultation is made the organizing principle of every project. “No man can attain his true station”, is Bahá’u’lláh’s counsel, “except through his justice. No power can exist except through unity. No welfare and no well-being can be attained except through consultation.”

So vital is the spiritual skill of consultation that it is considered to be a fundamental principle of the Baha’i Faith, with Bahá’u’lláh exhorting mankind to “take counsel together in all matters”. He describes consultation as “the lamp of guidance which leadeth the way” and as “the bestower of understanding”.

It’s almost as if our behaviour is governed by the worry of what “other people will think”, and by compliance to social norms.  So, we do things differently when we think no one is watching.  How is it that a queue in a post-office is normally well-behaved and no one would dare to push in, but when we are in our cars we become so bad mannered and aggressive? My theory is that we feel protected by anonymity in our cars, but would have to look people in the eye in the post-office queue.

It was the recent scandal in British politics that has had me thinking a lot about personal accountability and responsibility.  Most of those implicated in the expenses-claim uproar did not contravene the rules per se, and seem to mostly justify their actions by saying that they where only doing what all the rest were too.  Here in South Africa, we have had a similar debate, about gifts given to those in government.  The public discussion was not about whether it was illegal for the minister to accept an expensive car as a gift, but whether it was ethical to do so.

In a thesis discussing a variety of subjects relating to society and governance, called “The Secrets of Divine Civilisation”, `Abdu’l-Bahá gives a description of “justice and impartiality”:

This means to have no regard for one’s own personal benefits and selfish advantages, and to carry out the laws of God without the slightest concern for anything else.

So our daily actions, our personal choices, must be made with reference, not to social norms or selfish inclinations, but to the laws of God. This becomes easier when we change our perception and mindset about God’s injunctions: they are not there to restrict or hamper us, but to provide us with loving guidance and ultimate freedom. In the Kitáb-i-Aqdas, the Most Holy Book of the Bahá’í Faith, Bahá’u’lláh describes the laws and codifications of God as “sweet-smelling” and a “choice Wine”.

Say: From My laws the sweet-smelling savour of My garment can be smelled, and by their aid the standards of Victory will be planted upon the highest peaks. The Tongue of My power hath, from the heaven of My omnipotent glory, addressed to My creation these words: “Observe My commandments, for the love of My beauty.”…Think not that We have revealed unto you a mere code of laws. Nay, rather, We have unsealed the choice Wine with the fingers of might and power.

Having been given the guidance, and the personal autonomy to choose for ourselve, we become accountable for our actions and our choices, not to those that can see but to God, and not for material gains, but towards our own personal spiritual path to perfection.

As you can see, I feel strongly about this.  Ellen, who majored in gender studies, feels equally strongly about gender-bias in language.  When we implicitly make women an especially vulnerable group by always grouping them with children, for instance.  And it’s not just in words.  Linguist Deborah Tannen, in an NPR podcast, says that there is even power in making someone laugh.  And that there are gender imbalances in our relationships because of that power.

But what about our daily interactions?  Do we realize the power of that off-the-cuff comment to embarrass or belittle or hurt? Every conversation has the potential to be an emotional minefield.  Dr. Michele Toomey, on her “Liberation Psychology” web site, says words have as much effect as physical actions:

Words can inform our mind, caress and comfort our feelings, excite and thrill our spirit, or warm and kindle the flame of our hearts. They can also slap our face, punch us in the stomach, rattle our nerves, kill our desire, or destroy our self-confidence. Of course this is metaphorical, but these metaphors capture in words our physical reactions to what is said, and that is the power of language. It can emotionally move and affect us as powerfully as physical actions.

The Baha’i Writings speak about the power of words, exhorting us to “beware lest [we] deal unkindly” with each other:

A kindly tongue is the lodestone of the hearts of men. It is the bread of the spirit, it clotheth the words with meaning, it is the fountain of the light of wisdom and understanding….

For me, that confirms that when my intentions are good, my sincerity will colour my words and actions, softening my clumsy interaction. And even if there is contention and disagreement, there can be no excuse to hurt or upset someone:

If any differences arise amongst you, behold Me standing before your face, and overlook the faults of one another for My name’s sake and as a token of your love for My manifest and resplendent Cause. We love to see you at all times consorting in amity and concord within the paradise of My good-pleasure, and to inhale from your acts the fragrance of friendliness and unity, of loving-kindness and fellowship.

Almost six hundred people are living in the camp, five or six families in each tent. They have to sleep on the hard ground, and at night when it gets colder, only a few have blankets to cover them.  There are two taps in the whole camp, and the Red Cross has built three temporary toilets on the outskirts.  They have lost not only their homes, but also their fields of maize and sorghum.  So, not only is this year’s harvest gone, but next year’s one is lost too, because the seeds for next year come from this year. 

I met Helvy during our brief visit to the camp, a little bit after midday.  She was dressed in what I suspect is her best dress, accessorised with a beautiful long handmade bead necklace.  There had been a state visit earlier in the day, and the whole camp was spick and span.  Helvy was sitting outside her tent, cradling a sleeping child in her arms.  I don’t know if it was one of her own great-grandchildren, but from the number of children clustered around her tent, I think she must be a child-magnet.

Through an interpreter, she told me about the night they had to abandon their home and escape to the camp.  She told me that they had lost most of their possessions and their food and about how scared she had been.  Then she gave me a blinding smile, and said “But I am blessed.  My family is safe, I am safe, and we are together.  I am very thankful to God”.

I was taken aback.  After all this hardship, shouldn’t she be bitter and miserable? Shouldn’t she be bemoaning her fate, instead of being thankful?  I kept thinking about her all day, humbled by her radiant acquiescence, her detachment from material things, and her love for her family. She seemed to epitomise what the Baha’i Writings tell us about tests and difficulties:

For what can dark doubts do with the light of guidance, or clouds with the shining moon? Tests and trials only cause agitation to weak hearts. But the pure souls, a hundred thousand tests are but to them like mirage, imagination and shadow. 

Praise be to God that thou hast kept steadfast with all firmness under the millstone of tests like unto a grain of diamond. Be not grieved; tests lead to the development of holy souls and the ardor of the flame of fire causeth the pure gold to shine and the violence of winds is conducive to the growth and thriving of a firm and well rooted tree.

So the next time there is a blip in my ordered life, and things do not go as planned and I begin to feel sorry for myself, I hope I will remember Helvy and her blinding smile.

It made me cry because she describes so well the devastation of death.  I recognized it because I lost my father eight years ago, only a few months after the death of my aunt.  One of the most poignant descriptions O’Rourke gives is that bereavement feels “like you’re pacing in the chilly dark outside a house with lit-up windows, wishing you could go inside. You feel clueless about the rules of shelter and solace in this new environment you’ve been exiled to“.

In the third instalment of the blog, O’Rourke touches on several theories of grief, including the one they taught us in Psych 101, Kübler-Ross’s five stages of grieving: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.   I tried to figure out if I had gone through the five stages, and in what order and how quickly.  And then I realized that perhaps a belief in an afterlife would affect how you cope with death.  If you see this life as an end to itself, then death has a finality and cruelty which would be hard to accept.

But if you believe that the soul is immortal, and that this life is just a period of its existence and not its whole, then death is not so much a “goodbye” as a “see you later”.  Even in the darkest days after my father’s death (from a car accident caused by a drunk driver), and the surreal wrongness of it all, I knew with all my heart that he was still with me, and in a better place.  And the Baha’i Writings on the nature of the human soul, and its journey towards God, were my constant solace. 

Bahá’u'lláh, the founder of the Baha’i Faith, gives the following explanation of the journey of the soul after death.

And now concerning thy question regarding the soul of man and its survival after death. Know thou of a truth that the soul, after its separation from the body, will continue to progress until it attaineth the presence of God, in a state and condition which neither the revolution of ages and centuries, nor the changes and chances of this world, can alter. …

The Prophets and Messengers of God have been sent down for the sole purpose of guiding mankind to the straight Path of Truth. The purpose underlying Their revelation hath been to educate all men, that they may, at the hour of death, ascend, in the utmost purity and sanctity and with absolute detachment, to the throne of the Most High. The light which these souls radiate is responsible for the progress of the world and the advancement of its peoples.They are like unto leaven which leaveneth the world of being, and constitute the animating force through which the arts and wonders of the world are made manifest. …

The world beyond is as different from this world as this world is different from that of the child while still in the womb of its mother.When the soul attaineth the Presence of God, it will assume the form that best befitteth its immortality and is worthy of its celestial habitation.

O’Rourke talks about the great metaphor for picturing her mother’s existence after her death.  I picture my dad reading over my shoulder as I write this, because he always bugged me to become a writer.  And I imagine him playing backgammon and drinking coffee. But my favourite images of him are from the following Baha’i prayer (which is also inscribed on his tombstone):

O Lord, glorify his station, shelter him under the pavilion of Thy supreme mercy, cause him to enter Thy glorious paradise, and perpetuate his existence in Thine exalted rose garden, that he may plunge into the sea of light in the world of mysteries.

My own family does pretty well in the global stakes too. We have Singaporian, Ukranian, Eritrean, Ethiopian, Japanese, American (white and black), as well as a good dose of Iranian.  And all this in just one generation.  When my parents were growing up in Iran, I doubt that they could have imagined that in their lifetime our extended family would start to look like the United Nations.

But it was probably inevitable, given that as Baha’is, almost the first thing that we are taught as children is that the “Earth is but one country, and mankind its citizens”.

Baha’u’llah, the founder of the Baha’i Faith, explained the fundamental importance of the unity of the human race:

O ye children of men! The fundamental purpose animating the Faith of God and His Religion is to safeguard the interests and promote the unity of the human race, and to foster the spirit of love and fellowship amongst men. Suffer it not to become a source of dissension and discord, of hate and enmity.

The most glorious fruit of the tree of knowledge is this exalted word: Of one tree are all ye the fruit, and of one bough the leaves. Let not man glory in this that he loveth his country, let him rather glory in this that he loveth his kind.