Turn it up
shadi April 9th, 2009
Recently, my husband and I were on a long road trip using the cheapest rental car we could find. As a result of our thriftiness, we had a car with only radio access (no ipod connection), which made for some meaningful one-on-one conversation. After a good thirty minutes of talking about work and our to-do-lists and so on, we started to get more creative.
I asked him, “What are the things you enjoy doing the most?”
He replied, “Are you serious? You know what things I enjoy doing!”
“Well… sure, I know some of them… maybe even most of them… but maybe there are things that will be new to me.”
My husband, always willing to play along, proceeded to highlight a list of things he enjoys doing, some of which I definitely knew and a few things that were new to me.
Then he proceeded to ask me the same question. I started to list the things I really enjoy doing, and a very strange thing happened. Halfway through my list, I began to tear up and eventually cry a bit. I realized that most of the things on my list were things I WANTED to do, but not things I was actually DOING. Woah, man!
My husband and I proceeded to break down my list and realized that most of the things I enjoy doing are creative in nature (i.e. reading for pleasure, dancing to happy music, listening to inspiring music, and the list goes on and on). Why wasn’t I doing any of it?
Initially I blamed it on a lack of time, but eventually we decided that if you really want to do an activity, you tend to make some time for it. Skip past further novice psychoanalysis, and we realized it all boiled down to guilt. I felt guilty spending an hour curled up with a good book or taking the time to listen to an inspiring song rather than using that same hour to do something more “productive” like responding to work e-mail after hours or doing an extra load of laundry.
The Baha’i writings speak highly of engaging in the arts such as music. In one passage, Shoghi Effendi tells us the following:
It is the music which assists us to affect the human spirit; it is an important means which helps us to communicate with the soul.
(Compilations, The Compilation of Compilations vol II, p. 80)
Abdu’l-Baha tell us the following:
Among certain nations of the East, music was considered reprehensible, but in this new age the Manifest Light hath, in His holy Tablets, specifically proclaimed that music, sung or played, is spiritual food for soul and heart.
(Abdu’l-Baha, Selections from the Writings of Abdu’l-Baha, p. 112)
I started thinking that maybe my soul decided to start that conversation to let me know that it’s starved for some creative food. Although it’s still not second nature, I have allotted myself twenty minutes a day since our road trip to engage in non “productive” activities. I’m starting to think that these twenty minutes might end up being the most productive minutes I have.
![[del.icio.us]](http://images.del.icio.us/static/img/delicious.small.gif){kind=small}
- Arts & Culture
- Comments(5)
Twenty whole minutes! You slacker you
I totally know what you mean though. We feel guilty engaging in activities that don’t *explicitly* produce, but the thing is… when we engage in the arts it *is* productive. It produces emotion, and refreshment, and energy. They may not be tangible products, but they can make us happier, healthier people so that when we are “being productive” we can be more so.
As for guilt… that’s why I started my blog! I felt guilty spending two hours watching a movie, but I thought if I turned it into a meditation and really thought about spiritual matters while doing so that I could both have my cake and eat it too (aka relax/have fun/engage in the arts and be productive/engage with the Faith)
Wow, THAT conversation resonates!
In my case, my (now ex) husband DID do the things he liked (spending at least 3 days a week working out and playing handball after work) and gave the family a fixed amount of his income and spending the rest on himself.
Needless to say, my list of “wants” grew longer and when I complained, he said it was my own fault for not TAKING time out for myself.
I guess two young children and not enough family income to sustain our home was MY problem and not OURS.
That situation was untenable.
Follow that with 10 years of functional depression and single motherhood.
After that, and a lot of prayers and counseling, our fatherless family is still intact and I am now enjoying singing again, attending sports events, making new friends, hugely increased spiritual rejuvenation and lots of service to others.
Sometimes we just have to wait until the circumstances are right. Sometimes we are fortunate enough to have a reciprocating partnership and the ability to make choices.
It all works out eventually!
Sounds to me that some people really need a map of their own day, every day. We all know what we need to do … pray twice daily, read from the Writings, work is worship, etc.; but worship isn’t only work. We need time for ourselves, too, meditation. Not everybody needs to meditate in a Lotus position … as a matter of fact, very few of us do. Take a walk, a hike, working out, playing tennis, swimming, singing, listening to music, reading a book, writing one, can all be things that help us cross into a meditative state. Each of us ARE different. Shame on people who let jealousy spoil their marriage. Hand over your kids to your husband (ex- or otherwise), and tell him to watch them while you get a break from them. Baha’i marriages are oft times too aloof. Or the couples tend to forget that the key to a strengthened marriage is the ART of consultation. We take every thing too personally. We take offense or are defensive in our stands. ‘Abdu’l-Baha tells us that either stand is wrong. We defend our Faith. Consult on all matters. If listening to the music on the radio brings you joy – then listen to the radio. If someone else’s joy is listening to the radio, let them listen. (You have a right as a parent to intervene between the your children and the music they listen to; but it should be as guidance, not used as a punishment.)
And remember, those of us that are old enough, how many of us first learned about the Baha’i Faith through the radio … Seals & Crofts … England Dan (Dan Seals) & John Ford Coley … etc. “Diamond Girl” is one of the top twenty most aired songs on the radio of the past 50 years! That’s right, beating out the majority of all songs by The Beatles & Elvis! (Yet it never got any higher than #6 on the weekly pop charts.) So who can tell what listening to the radio might lead one to.
Everybody have fun tonight.
When my marriage ended and my son went to his father every other weekend, I thought how strange it was, that the only way so many mothers could get a break, was when they were separated and divorced! Surely there’s something wrong with this picture!
On another note, even Shoghi Effendi took a break from his job, and went to Switzerland to refresh himself.
When researching my compilation from the Baha’i Writings, “Abuse and Violence: Reason and Remedies” (you can learn more at: http://www.susangammage.com/abuse-and-violence ), I found these two quotes which helped me feel less guilty about taking time just for me:
“You should certainly safeguard your nerves and force your¬self to take time, and not only for prayer and meditation, but for real rest and relaxation.” (Shoghi Effendi, Lights of Guidance, p. 297)
“The Bahá’ís, in spite of their self-sacrificing desire to give the last drop of their strength to serving the Cause, must guard against utterly depleting their forces and having breakdowns. For this can sometimes do more harm than good.” (Shoghi Effendi, The Importance of Prayer, Meditation and a Devotional Attitude, p. 19)
I think the hardest for me is learning how to balance the time. Being a fairly new mom (our child is 14 m) it was really tough dealing with new responsibilities and time management when the baby arrived. I can’t complain about my husband – he is great and he partakes in everything in regard of household and child care. If there is one thing I am learning right now is how to manage that free time I get when my child is taking a nap or engaged in some exciting activity.
I have also come to realize that I can enjoy all of my favorite activities together with my family. And when I do get that “break”, I can’t wait for it to be over.