Life on Edge: Step Back
nava October 12th, 2008
“In this world we are influenced by two sentiments, Joy and Pain.”
According to ‘Abdu’l-Baha, every human being, from monarch to peasant, wealthy to impoverished, from darkest brown to palest beige, is influenced by joy and pain. The second part seems obvious. We’ve all grieved. But often we forget the first. Especially in times of grief, how easily we forget that joy is frequently right around the bend.
BBC News recently published an article about fears of escalating suicide rates in Japan due to the economic downturn. The article was published on October 6, and the economic travail ransacking global markets has only gotten sharper. The collapse of some major institutions and fragile condition of others reminds us that even the most elite are vulnerable to loss, are subject to affliction.
Such is this mortal abode — a storehouse of afflictions and suffering. It is negligence that binds man to it for no comfort can be secured by any soul in this world, from monarch down to the least subject. If once it should offer man a sweet cup, a hundred bitter ones will follow it and such is the condition of this world. The wise man therefore does not attach himself to this mortal life and does not depend upon it; even at some moments he eagerly wishes death that he may thereby be freed from these sorrows and afflictions. Thus it is seen that some, under extreme pressure of anguish, have committed suicide.
Abdu’l-Baha
Yukio Shige spends his nights patrolling Tojimbo Cliffs, a popular suicide venue for many in Japan, hoping to persuade another would-be jumper to step back.
Life on the edge. It’s hard.
According to Yukio, many of the men he speaks to want someone to talk them out of their plan to end their lives. They just need someone to listen. Even a stranger will do, as demonstrated by the fact that Yukio has managed to persuade over a hundred fifty people to step back. The article explains that:
“For a lot of them it’s a cry for help. They are really hoping someone will stop them before they take their own lives.” Sometimes grown men burst into tears in front of him, he says. “I say to them ‘You must be in a lot of pain, tell me what happened’.”
Volumes could be written about the psychology involved in the decision to end one’s own life, but the reality is, life is hard. Life is painful and some do not believe themselves capable of withstanding it. It’s not true, though. We all have the capacity to endure whatever comes along our path. Perhaps if we really understood our purpose in life-a journey of growing closer to our Lord, our Beloved-we would not be perturbed by the pain that we know will inevitably visit, and revisit, us. As explained in the article about faith in times of crisis, tests, which often bring us sorrow, are the means through which the soil is ploughed. Tests are an important part of growth, a way of building and revealing our nobility of character.
Perhaps what is most tragic about suicide is the fact that it won’t actually end the suffering of the grieved person who committed it.
Whoever commits suicide endangers his soul, and will suffer spiritually as a result in the other worlds beyond.
(From a letter written on behalf of Shoghi Effendi)
More to the point, it simply does not work. Grief is not a state of the body, it is a condition of the soul. The soul is not destroyed even when its body is. ‘Abdu’l-Baha explains that:
The spirit is changeless, indestructible. The progress and development of the soul, the joy and sorrow of the soul, are independent of the physical body.
Thus it stands to reason that by killing our body, we’re destroying the wrong thing. The body manifests the pain, but is not the source of it. Killing it will not kill the grief. So now the sorrow for him who has ended his life only amasses. Continue Reading >
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Beautifully explained- and so timely!
Mahalo Nui Loa!
Very good post. It’s true, you never know what’s around the corner and though it may seem difficult to “keep the faith” when you are going through a very difficult time, and sometimes death feels like the only solution, its so important to see the end in the beginning and realize how fleeting this life is and that our troubles will pass and what awaits us in the next world is so much better…so we just need to stick it out…and for people who see others in pain its so important to reach out, smile, be kind…you never know whose life you might, inadvertently, save…
So true. As Baha’u'llah says:
“Be generous in your days of plenty, and be patient in the hour of loss. Adversity is followed by success and rejoicings follow woe.”
Thank you, Z. It’s hard to really wrap your mind around the fact that by simply asking someone if they’re okay, if they’re in pain and would like to talk about it, you could actually help save their lives. I don’t know if you’ve seen the movie “Crash” but at the end of it, the narrator says something along the lines of how maybe people are crashing into each other in L.A. all the time just to have contact with each other. Strange how in such an overpopulated world, one can feel so alone and isolated. Perhaps if our interactions were less superficial and more purpose-driven, this would change, too.
yeah you touch upon a great point, how the world is overpopulated yet so many feel alone and isolated. It’s quite sad. Even more sad is how, even Bahai’s, who have the answer, have the divine teachings, can too feel alone and sad at times, or depressed if you would, imagine how those who don’t have the faith or belief that sadness will pass and that the next world holds something so much better than this world could ever offer and that tests and tribulations are “a healing medicine”, imagine how horrible it must be for those people…
Right now i am passing trough tuff times, it has been months of intense fisical and mental pain. The story is good makes us feel better, but we can’t just say that someone with depression needs to be patient enought for his soul to evolve, we know now days that depression is a treatable disease , and no one can judge what the other one is feeling. It is easy to say that everithing is ok when you’re not in intense pain. Do you know were did Shoghi Effendi went after knowng the passing of the Master? Let me tell you, the pain was so intense the firstly he fainted, and after some time he ad to go for the mountais in Switzerland because he was not amnaging the situation, so in a manner of speak he did his divinely inspired therapy. This story is just to show us that we are all humans and all pass trough great dificulties, some know how to manage it and some don’t. Can you blame the ones ho don’t and end their lives because there is simply too much inside of them, can anyone understand what really is happening inside the other? I guess that’s why the Divine Manifestations showed so much love for all that was sufering, and showed their utmost love and mercy. With this i am not saiyng that i am pro suicide, but i am pro understanding the feelings of people. And never forget that we may never think that we are saved, or are better than the other because we never know who in the moment of his death will rise and the ones that will fall. Another argument is that the mentally sick people have the soul intact, but the people that commit suicide don’t (according to the oppinion of the writer)! How can we tell the ones that no longer have a sane grip of reality and are going to criple them-selves? Again is simple to talk, but very hard to live trough it to tell, believe me i’m there.
Alex, I am so sorry to hear that you are going through such difficult times right now. I don’t want to trivialize your pain by saying something trite like, it will pass, or everything happens for a reason. I know when one is in the center of the storm it can feel so hopeless and hard, and it can be very difficult to imagine that the storm will ever pass…but I also know that no matter what you’re going through, God never tests us beyond our capacity…so it is within your capacity to overcome this-whatever it may be…I hope that your pain will be eased and that you will take the appropriate steps (whether it be speaking to trusted ones, a counsellor) to overcome this and heal yourself. ‘Abdu-l-Baha assures us time and again that God wants us to be happy, to rejoice, and to find joy…and also we know that suffering doesn’t come to us by chance but serves to help us grow closer to God; our tests can be a stepping stone for us to learn from whatever area is challenging us and causing us our pain, and help us to be stronger, to rely more on God, to trust Him and to accept that we absolutely need His help. Anyway, I dont mean to sound preachy, I am sure you have already considered all of this yourself..but, I am thinking of you and rooting for you:)
In terms of the suicide aspect, I think the main point I was hoping to convey is that it is ineffective…most people, I would imagine, kill themselves because their pain is so severe that they cannot withstand it anymore…however the assumption is that suicide will end their pain. Yet our pain and our joy are both conditions of our soul, and suicide kills your body, not your soul; therefore, killing your body doesn’t kill your grief…there’s no judgment or condemnation here…just a logical approach to the matter…(which is totally incomplete and almost impossible to do as we know so little of life after death and the spiritual worlds, and yet our Creator tells us time and again that we must not kill ourselves, and as He ordains only what is best for us, it stands to reason that suicide will only harm us more, not help). Although it is true that God is merciful and kind, Shoghi Effendi explains that we must not impose upon His mercy…
Trust in God implies that we trust that all of His laws are for our benefit, and that if He says something is harmful to us, it is because that thing is actually harmful to us…so if He says suicide is NOT allowed, will not help us…then, can we doubt for even a moment that–no matter how intense our grief–we have to find a different approach?
On a final and personal note, I find in times of grief in my own life, the Fire Tablet and the Tablet of Ahmad really help… I wish you well..
The thing that really irritates me is the fact that we had no choice to even come here in the first place. We were forced into this life with no say whats so ever. We shouldn’t have to be “held hostage” in this life to experience pain and misery, and to endure it for long periods of time. I’ve said the fire tablet every day countless times throughout the past few weeks. The ONLY reason I even say it… is I have this mentality that, “what IF… it really does work?” what if god does indeed answer my prayer. The only thing I have to lose is GOD might say no. But if there is a chance that he might say Yes and answer my prayer, then I would be the happiest person in the world. So I have to do everything I can to make this happen, even if it means begging god for his help. But this brings me to another point, whats the point of saying prayers if god does what he wants anyway? If there is a specific plan for each of us, and everything is either meant to be, or not meant to be. Then I see absolutely no point in praying, because it changes nothing no matter what the condition. I’ve been saying the fire tablet and tablet of ahmad on and off my whole life and I’ve got nothing out of it. I’m going to be 28 years old soon, I am soooo sick of praying, and getting nothing out of it, no indication that a god even exists, no powerful dreams, no communication from him in any form. Nothing.
I don’t like the idea of “there could be something right around the corner for you”. for 28 years there has been nothing around the corner for me. It makes me sick that I didn’t even ask to be put into this life. Now i’m reading that I’m not allowed to leave under my own free will? That is such bullshit. I’d rather leave and confront him face to face, rather sit here for another 50 years in pain, talking to a piece of paper, wondering if there even really is a god to begin with.
I see so many other people getting everything in life, people that did absolutely nothing to deserve there fortunes. Every week some one wins the 649 and becomes 14 million dollars richer. I see every one walking hand in hand with there loved one at their side. Everyone around me has fantastic jobs, have lots of money, everything they want and they are so happy. I’ve always been kind, generous, helpful, I pray, I’ve never touched drugs, I don’t drink, i’ve never had premarital sex and I’ve stayed true to myself. And for that I get nothing.
Please tell me, why would I want to stay here and jump through hoops for a supreme being?
Dear ‘General Arthur’,
First, I just want to state the obvious which is that I am in no way qualified to answer questions or proffer advice, and that everything I share is just my own opinion based on my extremely limited understanding of the Bahai Writings and my own perceptions of life and reality.
That having been said, you raised many interesting points which I would like to address, in however meagre a fashion as possible. Before getting into it, I also want to preface this by adding that I will probably be very frank and straightforward- not because I am unsympathetic to what you have described-in fact, as soon as I got the notification of your comment I stopped what I was doing and said prayers for God to protect you and cheer your heart. Although I don’t know you, I felt immediately sad and concerned when I read your comment, and I hope that you are not suffering and struggling alone. I want to be frank because sometimes I think as human beings we sabotage ourselves by dwelling on things that we think we have no control over that we actually can change, and also, by trying to change things that we simply cannot control.
In terms of what you said, the first point I want to address is the fact that we are born into this life with no choice in the matter, and the implications about fate and predestination to which you allude. It’s true. We don’t have a choice in the matter. By human standards, that probably isn’t fair, but I don’t think that the way of God is the way of men, and that our standards can really apply to Him. I know that’s not comforting in any way, but I also think it’s just a fact. If we measure Him by our own standards, then we will be even more perplexed as to why He does what He does, what justice really means, etc. I think that if one is religious, then one trusts in the assurance that God wants us to be happy, to rejoice, to grow in love and tenderness with one another and with Him.
I heard this Christian sermon once that I actually found quite brilliant and would like to borrow the main metaphor from. Essentially, the pastor was explaining that God is like a song that’s playing all around us, all the time, and that our purpose in life is to become in tune with this song. He sends His Manifestations like Jesus to teach us how to live in tune with this song. Extending this metaphor further, you could say that the things that we–as individuals, and collectively–do that our not in accordance with God’s laws are basically out of tune with this song. Now when you hear instruments playing out of tune the sound is grating, annoying, can almost be crazy making.
I think that’s how a lot of our current day structures and goings-on in general are. Our entire society is founded on the conception of the human being as greedy, selfish, self-interested, etc. So we build systems and structures that reflect this. Progress is guaranteed by competition. Human beings hurt each other. Human beings can’t trust one another. All around us we see urban decay on the rise. An increase of metropolises that are grey, and dirty, and cramped, and impersonal. People lie to each other, steal from each other, oppress one another.
And in this environment, it is very hard to trust that there is a God who is Kind, who is Benign, who is Generous, who is Just. Who has not turned His back on us. It becomes very hard to hear a song that is melodious, that is beautiful, that has a ryhthm, that can stir us; when we’re drowning in sounds of dissonance and discord.
But I think that it’s precisely because NOT everything is preordained, because He gave us free will, because WE are responsible for our own decisions–individually and collectively–that these things can happen. And if we continue to ignore God’s call, to disobey Him, to build our institutions on cracked foundations based on faulty conceptions of what conduces to happiness and loftiness in human beings, then the havoc that we see around us will only increase.
I don’t know why God brought you, specifically, into this world. But I don’t believe it was to torture you, to abandon you, to watch you suffer, to ignore your prayers.
Baha’u'llah says that “All men were created to carry forward an ever-advancing civilization.” So maybe this is part of your purpose. Are you fulfilling it? (I’m asking that rhetorically.) You know, you mentioned that everyone around you gets everything they want, love, money, etc etc. But I also wonder how happy those people really are, and realistically, how many people you’ve actually met who have won the lottery, who live ‘perfect’ lives. Incidentally, how often do you buy lottery tickets? First, I think there may be something faulty with the standard or gauge of what constitutes happiness; and secondly, I think there may be some misdirection in who and what you focus on. I’m sorry if I am being too drank but I don’t think you are doing yourself any favors by dwelling on these things. It’s easy to peer into someone else’s life from the outside and assume that you know if they are happy or successful but the fact is that you have only one life to live and that is your own. You do not know what someone else is really capable of and whether or not he or she is living up to that capacity; if someone is masking their sadness with smiles, or if someone who seems forlorn is actually at peace. We simply cannot know the texture of another person’s life, no matter how closely we stare.
And the fact is that a LOT of people are suffering. Are losing their jobs. Are wondering where their next meals will come from. Are in and out of unhappy relationships. Are scared and confused about what’s next in their lives. These are hard times. It’s true. Scary times. But I think that more than anything, this should impose on us the sense of urgency of the historical moment that we live in.
People ARE suffering, injustice DOES abound. So how can we change it? How can we be the sources of joy and happiness for others?
We have the chance to build something, to improve ourselves and our society, to learn and to struggle and to grow; or we can be sullen, grieved, resigned to what we perceive as our doomed fate.
You can’t take God out of the equation, but you also can’t accuse Him of pulling all the strings. Every day you make decisions. You do or don’t do things. You weave a design out of the fabric that God has given you.
My understanding of free will and predestination is that essentially there are things we can’t control. The fact that we were born. Which family we were born into. Our physical makeup. Our DNA coding. When we die (discounting suicide). Some of our talents and capabilities. All of these things are the warp and woof that God has given us. But the design that we weave…if it is intricate or simple, if it is beautiful or ugly, if it is precise or sloppy, if it is dull or imaginitive…this is in our hands.
Maybe if you find that you are not satisfied with things in your life, or that God is not answering your prayers, it’s because you’re meant to change tracks. maybe He is answering and saying no. Telling you to ask for something different. Pursue different things. Measure success with a different stick.
I don’t know. I don’t know you and I don’t know how God operates. But I think I’ve learned the hard way in my life that knocking persistently on a closed door may 1) never open it or 2)open it to something that I would have been much better off shielded from.
I do believe that God loves you and is answering your prayers and is guiding you, but that life is hard, and things take time, and not everything we think is good for us is actually good for us.
I really earnestly do wish you the very best, and I hope that your suffering will be eased.
could I email you Nava?
did you get email? no rush on response, was just curious if you got it. thanks again Nava.
Two years follow up.
Dear Nava i want to thank you for your kind words. At the time you wrote they couldn’t find a resting place in my heart, but after almost two years i can see more clearly that really tests doesn’t come to us by chance. For me was a very hard time in order to help me stand and battle for what i believed in. Right now i feel much happier and with a greater feeling of reason for living. Sometimes the storm is hard, and it is true that we learn very much in the way (i did fore sure). As a summary, now i understand that only those who pass a depression know what it feels like, and that’s why Shogui Efendi so enfatically said that it is truly a great bearing.
The greatest weapon i found against this great ordeal is called LOVE. Yep it was love that saved me, first from my mother and afterwards from Bahá’u'lláh. I can say that it is thanks to love that i am alive. So to everibody that can read this message, please don’t give up, ask for God’s help, and it will surely be granted, beg for it, and know for sure the answer will be overwelming. Believe in this i was there too….
with love
Hi Alex, nice to hear from you. I’ve said the Fire Tablet over two dozen times for my situation. I think I’m just going to keep saying it and saying it. Something has to give sooner or later, I hope. =[
Hello General Arthur! Tonight i’ll do the Ahmad epistle for you. Hope that in the future you may be so happy that you’ll be able to show others the way out of this pain. There’s another important thing also, besides espiritual is also phisical healing, like therapy, exercise, social life, rest, soccer or whaterver makes you feel a little better, all arms count in this war, make sure to use all that is at your disposal!
this link has some good quotations that help me sometimes: http://info.bahai.org/article-1-3-4-7.html
feel free to write whenever you want alexbr_@hotmail.com
warmest regards
Alex